I read an article today from the Invisible Woman blogger in the Guardian that bemuses me somewhat. She talks about women suddenly wanting to wear pastel and puffed sleeves and gingham when they hit the menopause, and how the M word is taboo and no-one talks about it. She even apologises for raising such an 'indelicate' subject. 

None of this rings any bells with me at all. My friends and I talk about the menopause all the time, swap tips on how to deal with hot flushes and vaginal atrophy, carry and use fans in public, etc.  No-one gives a shit or tries to hide it. And I don't think any of us dresses differently because we're menopausal, only sometimes we choose more comfort because we're getting older. 

I admit I had a brief wobble when my doctor told me I was 'bien menopausée', but that was more to do with fear of osteoporosis than the loss of any "previous identity as a fecund, mysterious and powerfully feminine creature" as the writer puts it. 

WTF? I have NEVER felt like this. Mysterious? A coal-miner's daughter from a council estate? Not a lot of mystery there. Most of my life I've felt, as Fern Britton put it, like a man in drag. I have never pretended to be some sort of femme fatale - it's not the sort of thing I could pull off.

Nor, having never wanted children, could I mourn at no longer being ABLE to have them. The feeling was more one of relief at no longer having to endure my godawful periods. 

Equally admittedly, I have hated some of the symptoms of menopause - the hot flushes, the weight gain, the fat gut, the insomnia. But now that I'm back on the black cohosh and the flushes have virtually disappeared again, I feel as right as ninepence. I'm still as fat as a fat little fat pig but I've decided to ignore it and just buy bigger pants. I'm pretty fit, after all, and I eat well. 

I found the comments about dress on the blog interesting too. One really struck me, that: "Most people really do not see older women, so wear what you want". I dunno. Is that true? Maybe it's that it's not true here in France. But even if it IS true, well how wonderful is that? What freedom it gives you to observe. Once you get over yourself and stop wanting to be paid attention all the time, you can just get on with being a person. 

One thing I am noticing and appreciating about ageing is that I give a lot less of a toss about what other people think - as my oestrogen levels fall off a cliff and my testosterone becomes more important, I am perhaps behaving with the indifference of a man. But in terms of my wardrobe, the menopause has entailed far less of a change than moving to the countryside ever did.

More another time on dressing for hot flushes. 

I was stooging around some websites the other day and found this article on Real Simple.

It's a pretty good guide to the basics that a woman needs in her wardrobe (tees, shirts, trousers etc), though as ever, I still find it a tad too smart for my life - I recently chucked out two black suits, for instance, as they had hung unworn ever since I bought them. But the thing that really struck me was the pictures. 

In their 'basics' (see left and right), I think all these women look great; in their 'staples', I think they look OK; but in their 'statement pieces' (see below), I think they look terrible.

Interesting. In fact, the more statementy and special occasion-ish the clothes become, the worse the women look, IMHO (OK, they get a pass for the cocktail dresses, which are very nice). 

The black vest, the white tee, the black tee, the indigo jeans, the chinos, the denim jacket, the white shirt - you can't really go wrong with these, can you? Virtually everybody looks great dressed like this, provided you pick the right cuts - the neutral, solid colours go with everything, and you can dress each piece up and down.  

It's when more choice begins to creep in that people begin to make mistakes. The patterned jacket, the patterned dress, the brighter shirt, the graphic sweater. Quite quickly, these women who looked comfortable, casual and happy in their clothing are now overcome by clashing patterns and unflattering styles. It looks like the clothes are wearing THEM. 

Looking at this article also made me realise that I could pretty much spend the rest of my life in basics (well, with maybe the odd staple, such as a skirt with pockets). I have virtually no need of statement clothing these days. I never wear a dress except in summer (too cold), or for lunch out with the girls (maybe once every couple of months?) and my modest skirt wardrobe of black pencil, black stretch A-line, black stretch velvet fits nearly every occason when I want to be a bit dressier than trousers. 

For 'dressing up' I used to love a bit of sparkle - when we lived in London, we liked the theatre, the opera, and the South Bank, which could stand a bit of glitter. But I now favour matt stretch fabrics that can be dressed up with a sparkly bag or shawl, rather than full-blown bling. You gets too old for it, love, and sparkle would be a bit much for lunch in a country restaurant. 

I thought I'd quickly review a couple of the clothing purchases I've made lately, because to tell the truth, not all of them came off. It's always a bit diff when you have to buy mail-order, but locally, there's almost nothing available except cheap shit in shopping chains like Kiabi, or very expensive items from individual boutiques. 

First up, the lovely lace knickers I ordered from M&S. When these turned up, I could see straight away that they weren't going to fit. I am normally a size 14 in knickers - I could get into a 12 but I like a bit of ease - but with the 14 in these, I had a choice of wearing them either low on my hips in order to get them to actually cover my buttocks, or pulling them up my hips, in which case, they were so low at the back they were almost down to my butt crack. The problem? No room in the arse, dears - not something you can tell from a photograph.

This is an increasing trend, not only as my arse grows ever larger - which it does - but also as goods are increasingly made in the Asia-Pacific region where women have flat bottoms. The average lardy, round European arse simply doesn't fit into these kinds of knickers. I'd also ordered a 16 to be on the safe side, and these fitted very well, but also felt as if they would fall off at the first step I took, they were so loose. So, back they go. 

The size 14 black cotton pants, however, were perfect. This is the shape for me, with my 10-inch difference between waist and hip, and I'll definitely be ordering more. They are the same shape as my Elila control pants but without the control, and they properly come up to your waist. I'm delighted to have found these because it seems beyond the ken of manufacturers that a woman might want big pants that are pretty but NOT controlwear. I don't want control - I just want to feel secure, like my knickers aren't falling off or riding up or sawing me in half - you know, the kind of comfort MEN expect every time they get dressed.

Meanwhile, in a snit, back to Sloggi I went, ordering a three-pack of their maxi briefs, in which I will basically look like my mum. But at least my bum will be safe - there's no escaping a Sloggi.

Next up, trousers from Land's End. Oh dearie me. I've ordered lots of fleece pants and cotton jersey trousers from Land's End and been really pleased with them, so I thought I'd take a punt on their tailored trousers, but despite my careful checking of the measures, not a single pair of these fits me. They are all so large on the waist that I could stuff a toy rabbit down there (his name's Thumper, since you ask...). So back go all of those too, and at international postage rates, more fool me.

It's the first time I've sent stuff back to Land's End, but once bitten, twice shy - I won't be ordering tailored pants from them again. A shame, as the ponte fabric of the paler grey pants was absolutely gorgeous - I will definitely look out for that in future.

It made me realise, however, that I have also reached a crossroads - I will be 50 very soon and I have had it with uncomfortable clothes. I need ease. Ease in the waist - my favourite being the kind of smooth, stretch (not gathered) waist of Land's End Starfish trousers or this Wall pull-on skirt; ease in the knees, so that I can sit cross-legged or do my yoga without getting changed; and ease across the body, preferably in wrap styles, knitwear or stretch tops. I am renouncing tailoring - it is just not ME. 

In my wardrobe, the things that get the most wear are:

* Teeshirts, vests and camisoles in cotton jersey.
* Fleece pull-on pants with pockets from Lands' End, and their stretch fleece tops.
* (make unknown) bootcut jeans with 5 per cent lycra, and BHS pull-on bootcut denim jeggings with an elastic back waistband.
* Black merino knitted pull-on trousers from Pringle. 
* Pima cotton jersey pull-on trousers from Wall.
* Thick merino knit pencil skirts from John Lewis (I have five).
* Cashmere knitwear, merino knitwear, cotton knitwear.
* Cotton jersey dresses from Wall.
* Wrap viscose dresses from Boden.
* Bias-cut linen or cotton dresses for summer.
* Wrap skirts and trousers.  

As you may notice, there is no tailoring anywhere. The trousers don't, in general, do up with zips and buttons - they pull up and then have a flat, yoga-style waist. I also wear wrap skirts and Thai fisherman's-style trousers, which I can adjust as I see fit. Sometimes I put on conventional jeans then a few hours later I take them off and get back into my stretch items. You can't do yoga in jeans, can you? A few hours of sitting at a desk and I'm tired of pulling trousers out of my crotch or undoing the top button - women my shape are not designed for jeans unless they have serious amounts of stretch. 

Having had my mini-epiphany, I parcelled up my failures and logged back onto Wall, where - to my delight - some items I'd been considering were now halved in price. So, I got these black cotton-drill baggy pants, which are just my cup of tea: wide enough in the leg to accommodate cross-legged sitting, fully lined, pockets, elastic waist (on me, dear reader, they are ankle-length!); these pima cotton pull-ons, which I already have in grey and which are brilliant - very slimming with their vertical tucks, lined to the knee and - listen up, manufacturers - also HAVE POCKETS; and this Amalie linen/viscose dress, which I've lusted after for ages, but which had been sold out in the blue colourway I wanted. I just love this, the asymmetry of it, the interesting use of the fabric, and it will be my first linen item from Wall.

Maybe, just maybe, with better weather forecast, I might actually get to wear it soon.    

I also got this jersey dress in viscose and spandex, which I've had my eye on for a while but never quite plumped for (bought a size up, so I can get thermals under it). This is more for next winter than this summer, and gives me a chance to try out another Wall fabric.  

Something miraculous happened to me the other day - I got paid. It's been a long time. 

I think I last got paid before Christmas. Or between Christmas and New Year. A long time ago anyway. It's all a long and complicated story to do with a company takeover and a change of invoice system, etc, and then my invoice not being processed, but one way or another I was without income for several months.

Usefully, it gave me the opportunity to think about what I most needed in my wardrobe. Given that I lead a practical life, mostly in jeans and tees, boots and sweaters, I have decided to up my game a little and elevate my basics rather than buying more formal clothes that I end up never wearing. 

First and foremost was boots. With my hopeless, poorly feet, I am on the hunt for knee-length boots (to go with skirts) that are either flat or have up to a 1in heel, riding-boot style, but in colours. There's the rub. I fancy red and purple and teal, etc, in leather or suede, but nearly all flat boots seem to be in black or brown, and coloured boots have heels I can't walk in. But most of all, they must have a thick, comfortable sole, so I can walk about without feeling like The Little Mermaid.

"Why not try DMs?" said the DH one day, as I was whingeing on again about the lack of comfortable footwear for women.

I must admit, DMs had never crossed my mind. I still think of them more as skinhead gear than as anything a respectable person would wear, though I remember my old friend Charlotte wore nothing else back in the 90s. 

I did a search for Doc Martens and quickly came up with the Elena boot from Brit Boot. This was the only stockist that still had my size (6, to wear with socks), and I fretted they would be gone by the time I had enough money to buy any, but yesterday, oh joy, I found they were still there, and £168 later, they were mine.

Ouch. I have never paid so much for boots before, but comfortable footwear is becoming such a necessity that it's time to stump up. I got them in teal, which was the colour I wanted, but in any case, the other colours were gone. The sole is a little obvious for me, so next month I'll be trying the DM Haley boot, which doesn't get as positive write-ups but is a little neater in appearance. 

Next up, a couple of teeshirts I've had my eye on for ages. Our brown, acidic well water not only stains everything rust-coloured, it actually eats cellulose fibres such as cotton and linen alive. Wool, silk and microfibre cope much better in our water, so I went on a hunt for wool teeshirts, should such a thing exist.

The Eddy baselayer from fair trade UK company Finisterre is made from merino wool from rare-breed British sheep that are non-mulesed. At £45 for a tee, they are whoppingly more expensive than I would normally pay, but I hope they will last much better than my simple cotton tees. They also, apparently, have the advantage of being wearable for days without picking up any sweaty smells - a lot of people seem to wear them for trekking as they can be worn day after day without washing.

Next, to undies. My sis bought me some great, comfy boy-shorts from M&S for Xmas that actually come up to your waist and hug your arse without heading straight up your crack and sawing you in half, so I logged back onto the site to look for similar pants in other finishes. I plumped for these lace ones and similar cotton ones (the patterned ones I wanted weren't available in my size) and while I was at it, I bought a bunch of vests, leavened a little by lace edges.

In summer, when I'm not wearing a dress, I like a cotton cardi or blouse over a vest, so this bit of lace detailing, I hope, will lift my basics a little and help me to be less bored with my daily uniform.

And finally this month - it is finally, as it's nearly April and I just dropped 400 euros on more wood for the endless winter we seem to be having - I logged onto Lands' End and got a couple of pairs of velveteen trousers in a jeans cut, along with their ponte jersey trousers (because I had a coupon). I haven't tried proper trousers from Lands' End before, so it will be interesting to see what they're like. 

Yesterday, I looked at the first part of the questionnaire from What your clothes say about you by Jennifer Baumgartner. That dealt with your past and your clothing influences. Today, let's look at what she asks about the present. 

Present

* How would you describe your style now?

* How do you feel when you get dressed?

* Why?

* How do you feel when you shop for clothes?

* Why? 

* How often do you shop? 

* Why?

* Who is your style inspiration?

* Do you find getting dressed difficult?

* If so, when did the difficulty start?

* What is the most difficult part of getting dressed?

* Do you find that you have nothing to wear?

* Do you wear the same thing all the time?

* Do you wear a new outfit every day?

* Do you dislike most of the clothes in your wardrobe?

* Do you have a specific style that is ‘so you’?

* Do you wish you could improve the way you dress?

* What is your favourite colour?

* Do you have that colour in your wardrobe?

* Is your style classic or trendy?

* Traditional or modern? 

* Clean or adorned? 

* Fitted or loose? 

* Short or long? 

* Do you wear what other women in your cohort wear? 

* Have you ever tried to get help in creating a wardrobe? 

* Is your closet full of old or new items? 

* Is your closet neatly organised or messy? 

* Is your closet empty or crammed?

* Do you wear your clothes? 

* Do many of your clothes still have tags?

* Do you feel that your clothes represent who you are?

* Do you feel that your clothes flatter your body?

* Do you feel that your clothes enhance your age? 

* Do your clothes function well with your current lifestyle?

* What is the most common fashion mistake you make?

* Have you tried to change that?

* Has your style changed with a time of major transition?

* Are you happy with this change? 

* Are you content with your current wardrobe. If so, why?

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And here, for the record, are my answers:

PRESENT

* How would you describe your style now?

Comfort dressing. Practicality HAS to come first, especially winter warmth. In winter I’m bundled up in thermals and fleece layers. In summer, I like a dress but it’s hard to wear dresses, because of the grass and nettles. Shoes have to be flat. I suffer from hot flushes, so I have to layer my clothes. Jeans, tees, vests, cardis, boots, wellies, waterproof coats and warm knits are my life - in summer, a linen dress with a blouse or cardi, or trousers with a tee. I don’t like to show my arms now that I’m older and I don’t feel comfortable in short skirts because I like to sit cross-legged and I also loathe tights. Jeans and a long-sleeve tee, or pull-on pants and a tunic, that’s me. 

* How do you feel when you get dressed?

Comfortable but often frumpy. 

* Why?

Because I’m not wearing the clothes I want to wear, I’m wearing the clothes my lifestyle dictates.  I’d like to look elegant, sophisticated and more urban but my lifestyle doesn’t support that look - not only are those kinds of clothes not practical for my life, I’d look totally out of place if I wore them. I thought when I came to the country that I could wear unsuitable clothing because I’d be in the house all day, but in fact the COLD in the house pretty much dictates what I wear. Even in summer, it’s cold inside the house -  I usually have to wear a cardigan. In summer I can wear prettier things, but in winter I yearn for things that don’t exist: stylish fleece, Viyella, knitwear that's actually warm enough. My indoor clothes are most people's outdoor clothes. 

* How do you feel when you shop for clothes?

In shops, frustrated: I just don’t bother any more - I buy nearly everything online. Half the time, the clothes in shops aren’t in my size, and choice is limited here, to either mall-style cheap things or expensive boutiques. I’m astounded by prices - 40 euros for a completely ordinary blouse, for instance. I can find things that I like and things I can afford but not both. French clothes aren’t cut for my shape either - they have very narrow sleeves and the French don’t wear full skirts. I tend to buy from the UK and stick to a few labels: Wall, Orvis, Boden, Land’s End, where I can guarantee the quality and have some idea of the cut. I get excited when the catalogues arrive and enjoy browsing around the sites. I’m quite good at interpreting a look at a lower price level. 

* Why? 

Frustrated because fashion isn’t designed for women my age, my shape or who live my lifestyle. French clothes are terribly, terribly expensive, other than cheap rubbish at the supermarket. I love my specialist clothes - my swimwear and my trekking clothes - they’re beautifully made and fit for purpose, but they’re not stylish. I find shoes a complete nightmare these days. 

* How often do you shop? 

Quite often, really, at least once a month. 

* Why?

Because I keep buying things that don’t quite work, then I end up having to buy more, different styles. 

* Who is your style inspiration?

Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Tina Chow, and any of Balenciaga’s models - elegant, a little severe. Talia Shire in Godfather III with her beautiful velvets and wraps. The women in MadMen - so glamorous and beautiful. I love Inès de la Fressange, but her style wouldn’t suit me - she’s rake thin and six feet tall. I’m short and voluptuous but I don’t want to dress like an Italian bombshell. 

* Do you find getting dressed difficult?

On a daily basis, no - I just pull on my clothes and go. But I don’t look nice and I try not to leave the house in these clothes. Looking nice, I find more difficult. 

* If so, when did the difficulty start?

When I gained weight again after my illness. I hate being over 8st 7lb but am currently much heavier than this. I have large breasts and a pot belly. I don’t so much mind having a big rear and hips, thighs, etc, but I hate my matronly bosom - it spoils the line of clothing. 

* What is the most difficult part of getting dressed?

Shoes. My feet absolutely kill me and comfortable shoes require trousers when my body looks better in a dress. I cannot find flat shoes or boots that I like and can walk in. And bras are hopeless. What I really want is smaller breasts - an A cup would suit me just fine, thanks. 

* Do you find that you have nothing to wear?

Yes when I’m going out. At home, dressing is easy but when going out I often change multiple times to find clothes that are comfortable and flattering. I am too fat to wear the things I really want to wear. 

* Do you wear the same thing all the time?

At home, yes - either pull-on denim bootcut jeggings/jeans and a long-sleeve tee (summer), or thermals and fleece layers. Out and about I try to ring the changes, and I like to make an entrance with colourful, beautiful coats. Most of my coats are vintage - 1950s styles suit my shape better than modern clothing. 

* Do you wear a new outfit every day?

No - I very often gather the clothes from the day before off the bedroom floor and only change my underwear. 

* Do you dislike most of the clothes in your wardrobe?

Not really. I have some beautiful clothes, I just don’t get to wear them. But I’m bored with my everyday clothes. There’s only so much black, navy and chocolate brown a girl can take, but any other colours show the dirt so much... 

* Do you have a specific style that is ‘so you’?

When I dress up, I’m classical rather than frou-frou. Simple. Vintage. A little arty. I’m perceived as stylish by some of my friends, but they don’t see me at home, where I spend 90 per cent of my time. 

* Do you wish you could improve the way you dress?

Yes. 

* What is your favourite colour?

Sky blue. 

* Do you have that colour in your wardrobe?

A little bit. Not much because it quickly soils in our brown water. I do wear turquoise a lot, which is an easier colour to find and wears a lot better. 

* Is your style classic or trendy?

Classic.

* Traditional or modern? 

Traditional. 

* Clean or adorned? 

Clean. 

* Fitted or loose? 

Skimming - not loose but not tight either. I don’t like tailoring and anyway it would seem stupid to wear a jacket at home. I can’t bear to be restricted in clothing - I need to be able to sit cross-legged, do my yoga, etc, without getting changed. Jeggings work better for me than jeans. 

* Short or long? 

Long. I like to keep covered up. Even in summer, as I burn instantly.  

* Do you wear what other women in your cohort wear? 

No. Most of the women I know are horsewomen, smallholders, etc, so they are pretty scruffy - breeches, jeans, wellies, stained teeshirts, baggy sweats. One friend wears fleece pyjama trousers now instead of real trousers, as she can't get comfy otherwise. Many are short of money. Most aren't bothered by the lack of 'glamour' but some are and feel a bit disheartened by it. 

* Have you ever tried to get help in creating a wardrobe? 

No. Clearly I should....

* Is your closet full of old or new items? 

Quite a lot of new, actually, as I have bought more in the past year or two, as I’ve had more money. I am happy with most of them but I still struggle. I feel that I make a lot of mistakes. 

* Is your closet neatly organised or messy? 

Messy - I try, but I have too much stuff to be tidy. I do arrange things by colour and type though: stacks of vests, tees, polos etc. 

* Is your closet empty or crammed?

Crammed to bursting. There are clothes all over the house - in the office, in the sewing room, in the bedroom, in the living room. I have far too many. 

* Do you wear your clothes? 

Probably not most of them. Many of my clothes are ‘too good to wear’ for the life I lead. I hate ruining good clothes with dog hair and ash and fluff and soot, and yet that is my life. And I resent paying a fortune for more interesting basics, which is stupid, as these are the things I really wear. Many of my clothes hang unworn in the wardrobe, awaiting a suitable occasion, while I live in the same few things until they literally fall apart. 

* Do many of your clothes still have tags?

No. But I do keep my new clothes to wear ‘out’ on the first occasion because they never look as good once they’ve been washed.

* Do you feel that your clothes represent who you are?

No. They are a mixture of what suits my lifestyle and what I can afford rather than what I truly like. 

* Do you feel that your clothes flatter your body?

I don’t think my current body CAN be flattered - it’s too fat. But I do think I choose clothes quite well for my body. I don't think people realise I weigh as much as I do. 

* Do you feel that your clothes enhance your age? 

I don’t know. Sometimes I think I dress quite well for my age. At other times, I think I’ve lost the plot. Dressing advice seems to be so much about looking sexy and that’s not really something I want to convey in my clothing - I'd rather my clothes say 'hands off', to be honest. 

* Do your clothes function well with your current lifestyle?

My everyday clothes are perfect - I just don’t like them or am bored sick with them. And the clothes I want to wear don’t suit my life - they’re too delicate.   

* What is the most common fashion mistake you make?

A: being unwilling to buy an expensive basic and wear it and potentially ruin it. I try to protect my clothes as if they were art objects, and in practice, that often means not wearing them.

B: I also still buy clothes that aren’t suited to my practical country life - I like glamorous, impractical clothes that don't suit my life. 

* Have you tried to change that?

Yes to A:, no to B: I long for the glamour that would go with my clothes. When I dress up, I tend to overdress compared with everyone else. I get a lot of compliments but often feel out of place. 

* Has your style changed with a time of major transition?

Yes, menopause. My body has changed a lot this past year. 

* Are you happy with this change? 

No. I feel fat, frumpy and mannish. Huge boobs that spoil the line of everything. Sweaty and disgusting. I can't wear cotton any more and have to dress in layers for when the flushes strike. I'm constantly pulling jumpers on and off. 

* Are you content with your current wardrobe. If so, why?

No. I can’t seem to marry what I need with what I like and find clothes that are beautiful, flattering and practical all at the same time. 

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Well, clearly I am in a bit of rut to say the least! I've put on a lot of weight this winter, as I do every winter, but it is hanging around more than usual, partly because I am rubbish at cutting down on grub when the weather's so cold. But also I am utterly sick of my winter clothes now. It's nearly April, for God's sake. I tried wearing a cotton teeshirt yesterday (under a fleece polo) but soon headed upstairs to change into my usual ski thermals. It was 5 degrees outside, with a wind that could take your face off. This time last year, we were in the high teens. Still, could be worse, could be a sheep farmer, poor sods. 

I am also in a period of transition with my style, casting about to find things that suit me as I head into my 50s. Last summer I longed for pretty, floral things but when I put them on, I felt a bit like a man in drag - I prettied up the house instead, with chintz curtains, etc, as if I felt like I myself was past redemption. 

I have in my head what I want - beautiful wide-leg or bootcut cotton velvet, cord and tweed trousers in shades of grey, pewter and plum, with lots of grey and pink cashmere, pashminas with beads or sequins, sweaters with contrast detailing or beaded necklines, etc - something a little more glamorous than my everyday wear. Well-fitting indigo denim bootcut jeans with slender white shirts and cotton cardigans with some interesting detailing. Beautiful flat shoes in bright suedes and velvets. I just find them very hard to track down....

Still, at least this exercise has made me think about all this a bit more. I am now heading for Boden for a look round.

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Tomorrow, the Future.