There's a little bit inside all of us that wants to look glamorous.

As any of my friends could testify, I actually look nothing like the pictures of me on this blog. These photos are the result of a 'Hollywood' photo session the DH and I played around with a couple of years ago. In real life I don't lie around on fox furs and pearls and I too have spots, freckles, wrinkles and all the rest of the issues that face most women.

But I'm also lucky enough to be married to Steve - who knows his way around Photoshop. 

Having been hugely impressed by his various photos of me that were pinned up around the room at our Black and White party, some of my girlfriends expressed a wish to be 'done' in the same way. So on Saturday we had a girls night in and two of them duly posed (while the rest of them stood around and made comments, naturally). 

First up was Mikki, and here she is, thoroughly glamour-pussed. I did my bit with make-up and clothes (she's wearing a full 'Marilyn' makeup and swathed in metallic organza - not that you can tell), but the DH did the rest - the cleverest thing is that he's made her hair longer.

As Mikki - mum to a 12-year-old daughter and who stomps around in DMs - would be the first to admit, she doesn't look like this every day, but this is how she'd like to look, and now she's got a fabulous photo to show her future grandchildren. 

Second to give it a try was Alex, swathed in 1930s furs and looking phenomenally elegant - a big change from her usual wellies and jeans as she pulls baby lambs out of her pet sheep. 

The rest of the girls wimped out on the night - convinced, I think, that they are beyond repair, though I suspect they may change their minds once they see the pictures. 

In real life, of course, both girls looked more drag queen than diva. The thick, matt makeup required to stand up to the photographic lights is unpleasant to wear, and the eye makeup is black and white in order to gain maximum contrast. When I did it, I was itching to get it off my face afterwards but I hear that Alex decided to keep hers overnight and went to bed in full slap, hoping some of it would still be there the next day.

In keeping with my Desirable Dozen makeup products, I thought I'd review a dozen beauty tools that I, as a grown-up girl, find useful.

Not every woman needs an arsenal of beauty products, but - just as in the kitchen or sewing room - having a few decent tools makes a job SO much easier and can often be a better use of funds than buying new products.

An important part of your arsenal is brushes, which can be either synthetic or natural hair. With natural hair, the colour 'sinks' into the hair itself, while with synthetic, it tends to sit on top. Which you prefer is largely a matter of choice - I like synthetic eye brushes but natural lip brushes, for instance.

What I don't like, any longer, is foam-tip applicators. I find brushes allow you to blend your makeup far better, which becomes increasingly crucial as you get older and have more facial hair and fine lines to work around. 

Take good care of your tools and they will go on for a long time - I've been using the same lip brush for nearly 30 years.  Wash your brushes weekly with shampoo or liquid soap (trying not to get too much water into the metal bit that holds the bristles). Dry on a towel, then leave hanging over the edge of a shelf or radiator, so nothing distorts the bristles.

Here are my top dozen tools:

1 Tweezerman Slant eyebrow tweezers (above). Don't wase money on other makes - Tweezerman makes tweezers that grab and pull cleanly at the tiniest hairs. If you do one thing, shape your eyebrows - even without makeup, this will give a frame to your face.

2 Eyelash curlers (right). Nothing makes you look more awake and alert. Mine are just from Boots, but they look a lot like these posh Shu Uemura ones. Run them under a warm tap for 20 seconds or so before use and you'll get a better curl.  

3 Eyebrow brush. It should look like a little toothbrush. I use the one on the end of an old Ultima eye pencil. For the best results, brush your eyebrows straight up, then go along the top and gently comb any stray hairs back into place. This Yves Rocher one does double duty with...

...4 Eyelash comb. Great for separating lashes and stopping your mascara from looking clumpy. Again, mine is just an old one from a dead mascara. 

5 Mediwipes. For wiping over your makeup brushes after every use.  You should also wash your brushes once a week to avoid contamination. 

6 Eyeshadow brush. This should be quite big and fluffy, but flat. It's for blending, something that must become your mantra as you get older. All the brushes shown here are from Yves Rocher, which makes good brushes for a reasonable price.

7 Blusher brush (right). Again, this should be wide but flat and angled at the tip, for stroking on colour. The angled tip spreads out in just the right way on your cheekbone. 

8 Powder brush. This should be huge and fluffy, with a rounded end. Dip it into the powder, knock the excess off and use just the smallest amount to set your foundation, dabbing your skin as if you were stippling paint. Then use the brush to lightly stroke your facial hairs in the right direction. 

9 Eyeliner brush (right). You use this sideways - it should be very thin, flat and cut at an angle at the end, with quite stiff bristles. Applying your liner 'sideways' like this makes life a lot easier, as you will know if you've ever tried to apply liquid liner in a straight line. 

10 Lip brush. Shoves your lip colour right into the creases of your lips and gives your makeup real staying power. It should be narrow, with a sharply pointed end. Best in natural hair. After washing your brush each week, wet the brush in your mouth and pull it out through your pursed lips and leave it to dry - your saliva sets the end into a perfect poin (a technique still used on squirrelhair paint brushes).

11 Latex sponge. Soft as a baby's breath, this can be used wet or dry for applying foundation. Alternatively, use a foundation brush, which looks like an eyeshadow brush, only bigger.

12 Cotton buds. Have these ready to hand and dipped in oil-free eye make up remover for correcting any spills or slips as you go. 

13 Pencil sharpener with two slots - one for normal-size pencils and one for big pencils. 

14 Concealer brush, if you don't use Touche Eclate, which has its own brush built-in. This allows you to position your concealer accurately - especially important for dark circles under your eyes. It lookks like an eyeshadow brush, only smaller.

In the second of this occasional series on retouching, let's take a look at Cameron Diaz.

Diaz is a remarkably beautiful woman - she was a leading model before she was a leading actress - but it's clearly still not good enough for some magazine editors. 

Above you can see some classic photoshopping - in the 'after' picture on the right, her complexion's been evened out, her eyes made super-white like an alien, lips highlighted and her whole face and hair lightened and brightened. 

Left, you can see her hips, from the same shot. Again, in the 'after' picture (on the right) the skintone has been evened out, and the shadow under the external oblique muscle has been lightened, giving her a smoother, more 'feminine' belly (the opposite would probably have been done if she'd been a man). A sliver of flesh has also been removed from the right hip. 

When even one of the most beautiful women in the world doesn't cut the mustard, what hope for the rest of us?

I have been tracking down some retouched pictures, mainly of celebs, to make us all feel better in the New Year.

It pays to remember, when you're gazing at your bloodhound face in the mirror, that the beautiful people are not only beautiful because of good bone structure or fine eyes, but because of stylists, professional makeup artists, haidressers, professional pressers, control underwear, great lighting and photography.

Above and beyond these things, however, there is the magic of post-processing in Photoshop to achieve a flawless look in photographs.

In all portrait photography, there is a necessary degree of retouching because the camera does indeed lie. Photographic lighting punches through most makeup, and tired, red eyes and spots show up more in photos than in real life. 

In this photo of Sheridan, however, you can see how the photoshopper has also removed her dark circles, lines around the mouth and slight skin creping on the neck, brightened her eyes, smoothed out her hands and given her skin and hair a smooth golden glow. 

The result is wonderfully glamourous, but we all need to remember, it's just not real - it's now a painting, not a likeness. 

The website Beautiful People says it's done a survey and it's now official - the British are ugly.

Beautiful People, which to be frank, is a pretty loathesome-sounding shagging website, went live worldwide a couple of weeks ago.

It puts gorgeous people in touch with other gorgeous folk (as if they didn't have enough advantages already...), and says that according to its membership, only 12 per cent of British males and 15 per cent of British females have passed muster and gained membership.

Well, obviously, this is a bit of publicity nonsense, and who am I to deny them their 15 minutes of fame?

We Brits may be a lardy bunch of chip-munchers, but let's all us uggos try to join en masse, and crash their site, hey?