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Blasted by the past

Another old friend has gone.

I received some sad news just now, that an old friend of mine has died. And even worse, that she died in 2003 and none of us knew. 

It's odd, it's the second time in a year that this has happened - first the redoutable Phoebe Cresswell-Evans, who was an art editor at Dennis Publishing, and now Dominique Coughlin, with whom I worked 20 years ago at VNU. You lose touch with people, I guess, and then you never know what happened to them - you just assume that they're alive and well and it's a shock when you find they're not. 

Dom was my sub-editor when I was a production editor, and we got on like a house on fire. We hired her because her boyfriend recommended her, but within short order, they split up with mega recriminations, slashed clothing and all the rest of it.

Dom was the younger sister of Con Coughlin, a Telegraph journalist who specialised in the Middle East, and we both went through a rough time together when the first Gulf War broke out and my nephew was sent in with the army, her brother as a journo.

For a year or two we were close friends. Dom's love life was always a disaster zone (she was secretly in love with her flatmate and having an affair with another guy at work) and mine went through some terrible upheavals at the time, too, as I left my (then) partner for my (now) husband. We would hang out at her miniscule council flat, downing white wine spritzers, and we'd go on shopping expeditions together in St Christopher's Place.

We were both skinny chicks, but Dom more naturally so - rake thin, with long, wavy hair, a greyhound elegance, and a marked taste for expensive labels. I will always remember her shoehorning herself into a stretch purple velvet Moschino minidress in order to go to a cocktail party at her mother's where there would be lots of high-court judges present, whom she hoped to shock. 

Our friendship, sadly, didn't survive. We had a major falling out a year or so later, and her wrath was implacable. And oddly enough, it was after she had an asthma attack. Her asthma was something that she was very sensitive about - the whole time we worked together we could never have a fan on, as the moving air irritated her, and she said the nuns at her convent had tried to block her university application, believing she was too frail to undergo tertiary education. She would not have her asthma mentioned. 

And then one day she had a huge attack. It was the weekend, and the first I knew of it was when I got a phone call from her flatmate. She was in St Thomas's hospital for a week and then she left work without so much as a word. After she left, I followed her progress on magazines such as Period Living for another few years, but then she disappeared into the ether.  

It appears that Dom then built a successful career in interiors and fashion journalism, and she was covering London Fashion week for the Sunday Times when she had the asthma attack that killed her. It is terribly sad - she was always careful about her Ventolin, but perhaps on this occasion she didn't have it with her, or perhaps it just didn't work. Her brother Con informs me that she died in a taxi on the way to hospital and was pronounced dead on arrival.

I worry that an epipen might have saved her and simply feel astounded today that someone like Dom, who had so much life force, who was so difficult and funny and made me laugh my ass off, can no longer be with us. 

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Clothes stash: 1950s lamé suit

Gaudy, but I couldn't resist...

Green lurex suit

This fabulous 1950s green lurex suit is the latest addition to my vintage wardrobe. It was £45 on Ebay, which is a fortune for me, but I just couldn't resist it. 

mink cuff

Many years ago, I had a dark green and black bubble lurex 1950s dress that was one of the most fetching things I've ever owned. I always regretted getting rid of it. Ever since, I notice, I am trying in one way or another to replace it and this is one of those times.   

I bought this just after Christmas, and really with next Christmas in mind, for lunches with my writers' group etc. Probably, in general, I'll wear just the top half, with plain black trousers, or the skirt alone with a black poloneck, as the whole thing together is a pretty serious outfit.  

Green suit neckline

This suit might not be everyone's cup of tea but I love the rich colour married to the simple cut, the mink cuffs to the sleeves, the standaway collar that frames the face beautifully. It's made of a quality, thick jersey fabric that is very comfortable - and not at all scratchy - to wear. Gorgeous.

 

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The definite dozen

If you have these items in your wardrobe, you'll always have something to wear.

When it comes to getting dressed, I like to be quick, as a rule. I can't be bothered with faffing about trying on this and that, so over the years, I've narrowed down my choices to things that all work together and can be put together as a no-brainer, leaving me more time for a G&T.

Some years ago, I wrote a list of 12 essentials an over-40s babe needs to keep in her wardrobe. If you keep all of these in, you'll always have something to wear. I've discovered other brands since then, so today, that updated list looks like this: 

1 Microfibre shorties. Go for a slightly low waist, and nude for the colour so that it goes under everything. Shorties give you a better line under clothing than a thong or brief and if your tummy or bottom are starting to sag, look out for those with butt-lift and tummy panels built in. The best are made by Jockey and Hanro but I because I live in France, I mostly buy Dim.

2 Nude-colour microfibre bodies or long camisoles, or a thermal camisole in silk jersey. If you choose the camisole rather than the body, make sure it's long enough to come down to at least your low hip, then it won't budge under clothing when you bend or stretch. If you choose the body, consider one with a built-in bra to minimise bulk and strap-show. Wearing underwear of this kind allows you to don low-waist or sheer clothing secure in the knowledge that you're properly covered up. It also has the secondary effect of smoothing over a bra that has lace or other additions, which many of the best support bras do. Check out Figleaves for ideas, or Winter Silks for thermal camisoles.

3 A decent bra. This becomes increasingly important as you age and the breast tissue softens, so keep your ideas updated - what suited you last year may not be right now. Wearing the right bra can take 10 pounds off your silhouette, so get properly fitted and when you find what you like, buy three of them (one to wash, one to wear and one to rest). Nude-colour is more flexible than white, then white, then black, then coloured items. If you're a C-cup or above, choose strong, wide straps that hoick your breasts forward and whatever your size, make sure the support comes from the band, not the straps (take your arms out of the straps and jump up and down to check). After 25 years of underwires, lately I'm a convert to the Doreen bra by Triumph, which is the best-selling bra in the UK. Sadly not the most attractive item to look at - though the Luxury option is an improvement - it gives a great shape under clothing, complete security as you move around and is so comfortable you don't know you're wearing it. I am also partial to the Grace bra by Royce and a very comfortable bra with padded straps by German firm Spiedel, which I found on Ebay. My latest purchase is a pack of three Ahh Bras to wear at home, when I don't need to hoick the girls up. 

4 T-shirts.  Only choose short sleeves if your arms are toned: long-sleeved tees are infinitely more wearable for most women and they cover a multitude of sins. When they appear in the shops with a neckline that suits you, snap them up, or order from a catalogue. I now rely on firms such as Lands' End and Gap for my cotton tees. Winter weight tees are usually better quality than summer tees - don't waste your cash on anything see-through unless you're aiming to wear it under a dress, in which case you want as thin as possible - American Apparel is a good place to look. A crisp white tee is as useful as a white blouse and can be dressed up or down accordingly, but almost any colour is wearable. Avoid logos and designs though - keep them plain if you're above an A cup, or you'll never make eye contact again. By and large a scoop-neck or v-neck is the most flattering neckline unless you're very thin, and cotton with some stretch - say 5 per cent - wears better than pure cotton.

5 Fitted white cotton shirts. Have a bunch of these in various styles - here's a good place to echo current trends, if that's your thing, or indulge a personal fetish for lace or embroidery. A shirt ending at around hip length means you can tuck it in or leave it out - keep it fitted, not tight nor too loose and baggy, so that you can layer both under and over. Vertical detailing such as pintucks, seams or pleats will lengthen your torso, making it looks slimmer - only choose items with horizontal details if you're small-busted. Whether you prefer collarless or collared is up to you, but generally, an ageing face benefits from a bit of tailoring and a shaped open rever or a standard shirt neck flipped up at the back are very flattering. Wear the neck open to give you a long, slimming, vertical line. Just above your bra is a good level, but if you feel this is too revealing, fill in the gap with a camisole or light t-shirt. White shirts are available everywhere, but Gap do good cotton ones and George at Asda do fab poly-cotton ones if you're short of cash. For investment pieces, consider Shirin Guild or men's shirtmakers such as Hilditch and Key.

6 Sweaters. By this I mean thin 2-ply cashmere or merino if you can stretch to it, something like Courtelle or a soft viscose if you can't. Choose crewneck for the most mileage, v-neck to be flattering, or poloneck if you're the chilly sort, and always buy them long-sleeved and at least hip length. These thin jumpers should be close-fitting - loose enough to get a blouse or tee underneath but still tight enough to go under a jacket. You need at least three - one in black, one in a paler neutral such as cream, beige or grey, and one in a colour that really makes your complexion sing - but having more won't hurt.

7 Well-cut black pants. Follow the style of the day, but not slavishly - avoid fashion extremes such as parachute legs and fiddly details like cargo pockets. Most women are well-served by a slightly low waist (ie: just under your belly button, not a low-rider), no pockets and a side zip to minimise bulk. This style of waist is very clean and allows you to wear your tops either tucked in or layered on top. Keep the leg bootcut, straight, full or flared. For fibres, anything matt and with some stretch is useful - wool/poly blends, microfibre and stretch velvet are all good options. I buy mine at La Redoute, from the supermarket, or from Lands' End.

8 Jeans. Choose a slightly low waist for minimum bulk, some stretch in the denim (2-10 per cent), dark indigo dye and a boot cut hemmed to the right length for either flats or heels. This type of jean will take you almost everywhere except formal offices and functions and it practically never dates - for this reason, avoid acid-washes, stonewashes, cropped legs, zips at the ankles, paper-bag waists or anything 'trendy'. A bootcut is not only flattering on every woman with hips or a backside, it also gives you the option of wearing long boots underneath in cool weather. You can wear these jeans with a t-shirt every day, with a jacket to smarten them up, with a white shirt, a sweater or a frilly blouse. When the denim starts to look tired, chuck it in the wash with a pack of Dylon dye and follow the instructions. Don't allow your denim to get stained, messy or faded unless it's strictly for casual wear - only young, thin people can get away with looking scruffy. After indigo blue, neutral colours such as black, grey and beige will give you the most mileage. Personally I favour Boden, which has a choice of bootcut width, and Lands' End.

9 Knee-length skirt. Somewhere around your knee, from slightly above to slightly below there is a length that is perfect for you. Take the trouble to find it and your legs will magically slim down and lengthen. Once you do find it, have all your skirts altered to fit (this might entail a visit to the tailor, as if you shorten skirts you often have to narrow them too). The knee-length skirt is always appropriate wear for business but you can wear it to work all day and still go out in it in the evening. Black woolmix with some stretch is probably best, followed by a neutral with some texture, and pair it with dark tights and shoes or boots. I have skirts this length in wool flannel with a lace hem, microfibre with a beaded hem, wool crepe with a wrapover front, velvet and cord. 

10 A classic coat. You can't go wrong with a trenchcoat or fly-front polo-coat of the Burberry type in a dateless colour such as beige or navy. Bought with a zip-out lining it will take you through at least three seasons each year. The real thing is always worth the investment but cheap knock-offs can be found in microfibre with poly linings and they will go in the washing machine. If you're looking for a winter coat, the most flattering shape on women remains the classic wrapover camelhair with a standard or shawl collar, worn to the knee or calf, belted or unbelted. In a good colour like beige, navy or black, it will take you from office to night out to a weekend in the country with nothing more than a change of accessories. Wool-poly blends will last you 2-5 seasons, while a good cashmere will last a lifetime. Incidentally, this is the coat that has consistently tested as the most appealing to men, if that might sway you.

11 Black leather footwear. Shoes are a very personal thing. One of my friends has over 65 pairs and favours leopard-print stilettos; I have about 10 pairs and favour stack-heeled boots. One thing we're both agreed on, though, is that the black leather ones are the ones we really wear. However full your wardrobe is of spiky-heeled satin numbers, pink suede peep-toes and diamante-studded boots, the fact is that streets are dirty, driving takes its toll and your feet can get cold nine months of the year. Good-quality footwear is a must, whether it's Footglove sandals, Chanel slingbacks or Shelley's boots, and black leather requires the least upkeep. Decide on your style - flats, court shoes, spike-heel boots - and maintain them well.

12 Accessories. Here's where any woman can dress up her basics and really make the most of colour and trends without breaking the bank. So if there's a season's colour that you like and it suits you, buy it in a scarf or belt rather than something expensive like a jacket. If there's a fussy trend in bags or belts, such as studs, fringeing or crochet, consider carefully whether it works on you - nothing updates an outfit quicker than a change of bag, but nothing dates it quicker either. Also, few things date a woman of a certain age more than an unwise belt (my once-favourite 4-inch deep black elastic belt with gigantic double peacock bronze clasp doesn't look quite so good now that it's not teamed with football-player shoulders and a big swirly skirt...) Trends apart, you'll still find that the accessories you wear the most are in good quality materials such as silk, wool and leather, and in neutrals such as brown or black, or cosmetic colours that flatter your skin. This means items such as leather belts half an inch to one inch wide, silk foulard squares, long velvet scarves, dark leather gloves and classic hats such as berets and fedoras.

Makeup overhaul

New year is a good time to assess your makeup bag.

Somewhat like my sister chucking out all of her out-of-date spices, New Year is the time that I like to overhaul my makeup bag. 

I say 'bag', but it's actually a series of trays arranged on my landing windowsill - just about the only place in the house where I can sit in good light and do my makeup.

Once you're over 40, your makeup should just be about looking brighter, healthier and better, so the key tools are primer, concealer and blush, to create a healthy glow, and foundation - if you need it - to even out the complexion. An uneven complexion is a far greater sign of ageing than are wrinkles, if looking younger is something that bothers you.

Anyway, most of us don't wear half of our makeup, so get out everything you own and have a look at it. The average life of a makeup item is six months - if any of your items are older than this, it's time to think about chucking them out. The mascara tube, in particular, is a perfect breeding ground for bacteria, so don't take any risks with mascaras. 

Pressed powders and pressed eyeshadows that are getting an oily or grubby surface should also be thrown away, along with any makeup items that use a built-in brush and are more than six months old - this includes things like Touche Eclat. If you have a favourite colour that you just can't bear to get rid off, try sandpapering off the surface of the powder until you get to fresh powder underneath. 

If you have glittery eyeshadows that you don't wear (most of us have bought eye makeup that has proved way-too-glittery on a softening eyeline) and they are in pale shades, crush them up and recycle them as loose body powders: you can even mix them into your body lotion. 

Clean out your makeup bag/box/drawer/shelf and disinfect it, and wipe over all your brushes with an alcohol wipe (you should be washing these out once a week anyway, to avoid infection).

Then take a look at what you have. IMHO, an over-40s babe's makeup bag should can usefully contain the following:

* Smashbox skin primer for a perfect satin finish, with or without makeup.

* Foundation of choice (mine's Dior Airflash).

* Loose powder (I use Yve Rocher).

* Pressed powder (I use Dior).

* Bronzer if you wear it.

* Blusher in the form of gel or cream (for no-makeup days), and powder (for last-minute application) - two shades, one with an apricot tint and one with a rose tint.

* A good quality eyeshadow palette containing brown, flesh colour, cream or gold and one or two in-between shades. I'm currently using Gemey-Maybelline. 

* Dark brown eyeliner pencil (black if you're dark). I use Revlon. 

* White or pale pink eyeliner pencil to open out the eye (also use the pink one below your browline). I use Eyecare. 

* Mascara in black, brown or browny-black and a waterproof version for swimming/weddings etc.  Also clear mascara if you wear it. (I favour Maybelline and La Roche Posay).

* Eyebrow pencil (mine's an Ultima).

* Lipliner in the same colour as your lips when you bite them - also use for infill (I use Yves Rocher). 

* Lip balm, red lipstick, pink lipstick, clear lipgloss (I use various makes, but favour Revlon and Chanel for their colour density).  

 

When it comes to tools, I couldn't get by without:

Microfoam sponges for applying powder and foundation (Boots' own).

Big fluffy powder brush for loose powder (Yves Rocher).  

Blusher brush (Yves Rocher).

Lip brush (Yves Rocher).

Clean mascara wand for recombing lashes.

Eyebrow brush (mine's on the end of an Ultima pencil).

Eyelash curlers (Boots).

Eyeshadow brush (Yves Rocher).

Eyeliner brush (Yves Rocher).  

 

Everything else can really be discarded. If things are still in their clingwrap, give them to charity, but if they're used, bin them, and go stock up on decent replacements. Like a capsule fashion wardrobe, a capsule makeup wardrobe needs to be slim and efficient, not stuffed to the gills with things you don't wear.  

 

Starting from scratch

When it comes to perfume, I'm beginning to realise I didn't really get a head start...

I was corresponding with a perfumisto friend recently when it dawned on my that in some ways, you know, I really am starting from absolute scratch when it comes to perfume. 

Tania Sanchez defines the first phase of perfume addiction as watching your mum put it on when she gets ready for the evening - the first hint of the fascinating, glamourous world outside your four walls when you're a small child.

The problem there is, my mum never went out. My parents literally went out once a year - to the 'do' at the colliery where my father worked as a miner - and that is precisely how often she wore perfume (one of those many things of which my father did not approve).

She used a tiny weeny little black bottle of Coty's L'Aimant (which means slightly more than just 'magnet' in French). It was her favourite perfume, but she wasn't allowed to wear it the rest of the year, nor any form of deodorant, nor use fabric softener, or air freshener, nor did we have scented soap in the house (or toothpaste either, but that's another story).

Our toilet (nothing so grand as a 'bathroom) smelled of the puritan wholesomeness of shit, carbolic and Vim and to this day, the smell of Jeyes Fluid can make me homesick. Maybe once a year I was given a present of skin-scouring bath salts (six to a pack) or bath oil pearls by some kind relative, and then I'd have to wait for another year.  

When I was 13, my aunty Margie gave me Astral Skin Creme Soap and the luxury of it overwhelmed me. Soap that actually lathered (my father baked the coal-tar soap, which he got free from the pit, in the airing cupboard until it was rock hard. It lathered like a stone in your hands). But this was different - soft, and fluffy, embracing, and left my hands feeling soft and fragrant.

On holidays to my glamourous Aunty Glad's house in Gayton, the scent of her bathroom, with its Lux and Camay soaps and little ladies in crinolines to hide the bog roll, was an earthly delight to me. I bought myself Norfolk Lavender perfume on trips into Norwich, and revelled in it, quickly followed by cheap-as-chips Jovan Musk, still made by Coty, and which I probably smelled of from the age of 11 to the age of 20. 

The slippery slope, clearly, though it's taken me a long time to really start sliding down it - something very common, I'm told, in young women who came of age in the era of the big heavies - Poison, Opium, Samsara, Giorgio - but who couldn't bear the olfactive reek of those big aromachemicals. Personally I retreated into the world of soliflores like Yardley's English Lavender and Jasmine from Culpeper (sadly no longer with us), or 4711 Cologne. 

So, for me, as once it was for the world of wine, the world of perfume is an unexplored territory,  which I must say I am having great fun charting. I got my first Diptyque fragrance recently, and a stack of Etat Libre d'Orange samples is on its way from an Ebay friend. 

I will report back from the frontiers...

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A new year, a new you

Resolutions are made to be broken.

Is LVMH restricting trade?

Why can't I buy LVMH fragrances on Ebay?

Top ten Christmas wishlist

If money was no object, what would you want for Christmas? Here's my top ten list.

Wardrobe schizophrenia

Who isn't a different person at home and abroad?

Clothes stash: Orvis dress

This recent purchase is something I've been after for a long time.

Banishing the winter blues

These are the dark days...

You probably know already if you've got SAD badly. It means you basically want to hibernate all winter - you can't wake up, you can't keep your eyes open, you can't get enough sleep no matter how much you sleep, you eat lots and gain weight, and you generally feel low and depressed. February is about the worst month, but January's no picnic either.

Feeling fleecy

The switch from wool to fleece marks a new stage in my sartorial journey.

Post-holiday blues

Not quite glad to be home yet...

A week off fashion

One great thing about a rambling holiday is being able to dress entirely for comfort.